I was at my computer typing away when my husband walked by and asked what I was blogging about. “Reality T.V.”, I said. His reply, “You sure know enough about that”. This is one time I will give him his props and admit he is right. I would like to tell you that I watch reality television because I am doing research for a very important article on human behavior and how it is influenced by the presence of cameras. I would like to tell you that, and I could, but it would just be a big fat LIE. The truth is, I watch reality shows because for an hour I am transported to a place where I don’t have to think, I just have to sit back, relax and enjoy (well that and the fact that I derive great pleasure from watching people act like idiots). Hello, my name is Diane and I am a reality show junkie!
I watch a wide variety of reality television offerings ranging from the intense “Hoarders” to the nonsensical “Bad Girls Club.” Among my favorites are all of the Real Housewives and Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. While it is true that it requires no brainpower to watch these shows, amazingly enough, it is possible to garner a bit of wisdom without even trying. I would like to share some of the intriguing bits I have learned. My guess is there will be one or two of these gems that you didn’t know when you started reading this. No need to thank me, I am happy to share the knowledge. Here we go.
- You can record and sell a song even if your natural singing voice makes people’s ears bleed
- It is important that you “Don’t be Tardy for the Party”
- You can announce to the world that you are “engaged” to a married man with no worries that you might look like a dumbass
- “Big Papa” appears to be a figment of the imagination
- Self-respect is not a pre-requisite to being on reality television (refer to the four items above)
- Too much tanning can make you orange
- I can now “fist pump”
- Everybody needs a nickname (sorry, Snooki and Situation are taken)
- Panties are optional when you go out to the club
- If your husband tries to convince you he doesn’t “control” you, he does
- If you marry a “Count” and become the “Countess” and he divorces you, you may be referred to as “Countless”
- Dr. Drew Pinsky is really, really hot!
- If you are a downtrodden singer, model, athlete or musician, and are addicted to drugs or sex, chin up little buddy, reality television has a place for you
- There is an “Academy” for Tools
- There is a “Charm School” for nasty girls
- Two idiots can get married and combine their names (i.e., Speidi)
- The finest hair extensions money can buy are from Europe and don’t look fake at all when worn with a bandana
- If you cannot find the woman of your dreams in a mansion try a tour bus
- Drunken chicks are a hot mess
- Drunken dudes are big old crybabies
- Parrots make great companions
- If you have to choose between eviction and getting yet another facelift, choose the facelift
- Dr. Drew Pinsky is really, really hot (yes, I know I listed it twice, but it is worth repeating)
The list could go on and on, but I am exhausted from recalling all of these important facts. So the next time your life seems mundane or you just need to feel better about yourself, turn on the television and let yourself be swept away into a reality that will make you grateful for yours.
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